I Just Can't Keep It In Any Longer!

Perhaps some of you have been reading my blog and have thought I have become a bit "too preachy" or I have turned into this "religious nut job", or maybe some of you think, "'Bout time. . .she's finally got a clue!". Whatever the case, it's okay . . . I just can't keep it in any longer. What am I talking about? I am talking about God and His goodness. He has been so good to me and I so don't deserve it! For years, he has protected me, provided for me, tolerated my ridiculousness (just to name a few things), and I have just taken Him for granted. My life has been all about me, but no longer. . .I am ready to live wholeheartedly for Him. Why now?? He has shown me how awesome He is and how undeserving I am of His awesome-ness.

If you look back at my blog post from June 8, 2009, you will find a story about how I learned of a blood clot in my right arm during the last few months of my pregnancy. Even as of that date, things could have played out any number of ways, but just seven days later, my baby was born healthy with NO complications! Praise God!! Before I left the hospital to go home, I had another ultrasound of my right arm which showed that the blood clot was still there. It had not moved or changed in any way.

Fast forward to the end of July, I went for my post-partum visit at the doctor's office where (suddenly) I had some kind of near-fainting episode and was experiencing some pain in that right arm again. So, I was told to go the ER. Not sure what the near-fainting thing was about, but the ultrasound of my arm showed that the blood clot was still in my arm. . .unchanged.

About a month later, I go to see a Hematologist. Since I had been told (initially) by my OB to stay on my anti-coagulant medication until 3 months post-partum (September 15), the Hematologist recommended that we wait to do another ultrasound of my arm closer to that date. My ultrasound was set for Friday, September 11. As the that date quickly approached, I began praying earnestly that the clot would go away (the body is supposed to dissolve blood clots, the medicine is supposed to keep the clot from moving to other parts of the body). I was watching The 700 Club at the beginning of the week. This was Labor Day week and the folks at CBN have a concentrated time of prayer during that week of every year. They pray and fast for their ministry, and the needs of other people. They also do it in remembrance of when they first came on the air and just a few hours before, they did not have enough money to come on the air. As a matter of fact, they had missed their original air time due to lack of money. After some intense prayer and fasting, someone made a hefty donation and they were able to air their first show. I know many people are not fans of Pat Robertson, but one has to admit that is a pretty amazing story.

I was moved by that story and decided to pray and fast for healing of the blood clot in my right arm. September 10 was my day to pray and fast. So, these were the Scriptures that I used to pray "back" to the Lord, if you will:

James 5:16b-The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.

Matthew 17:20, 21- "So Jesus said to them, "Because of your unbelief; for assuredly, I say to you, if you ahve faith as a mustard see, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there', and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you. However, this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting."

John 14:13, 14-And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything in My name I will do it.

Ephesians 3:20-Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations , forever and ever. Amen.

During that time, I wondered what if God did not remove the clot. After all, there are many people that I have prayed for who have had cancer, for example, and they died. . .what about that? God does not always do what we ask. Then, what am I trusting Him for? I realized that unlike what many are preaching today, we are trusting God to do what is best for us. I mean, He is the God of the Universe and He created us, so He probably has a really good idea as to what is best for us. See, God's primary desire for us is not necessarily that we get our dream home, get the perfect job, make a six-figure salary, have the perfect marriage with the perfect kids, or be in perfect health. God's primary desire for us is that we become like Christ, His Son. Let me repeat, at the top of God's list for us is for our character to develop into that which is like Christ's. Philippians 2:5 says "Let this mind be in your which was also in Christ Jesus".

The next day, September 11, I went to have the ultrasound of my right arm and the ultrasound tech said that the clot was still there. She went on to say that at that point, it would probably be considered "chronic". It would take a while for it to dissolve if at all. I must admit, I was really disappointed but I praised God anyway. I had prayed and fasted and had others to pray, so I know He heard. I concluded that although I disagreed, He knew this was what was best for me. So, what had I learned? The presence of the clot taught me to number my days, to be appreciative of everything, everyday!! And so none of this was in vain.

The next week,Thursday, September 17, I was laying on my bed. I had just finished feeding my daughter and dozed off. I did too and suddenly, I was startled by not being able to breathe. I could not get any air. . .I was suffocating ( I couldn't even cough)!! And as suddenly as it came on, it went away and I could breathe again. That was incredibly strange, to say the very least. Then, later that evening, I wondered if I should get another ultrasound, but decided I would wait.

Fast forward to Tuesday, November 17, I called the doctor because I had (again) been experience some pain in my right arm, but this time for about four days straight. I even asked for prayer from my Sunday School class two days before. The doctor told me to go to the hospital to get yet another ultrasound of my right arm. This was another ultrasound tech and I asked her if she could see the clot because I was having trouble seeing it. She said, " I don't see anything. . .but we still have some more veins to go". When she was done, she said, "All of your veins are open. . .there is no clot there. " Oh my goodness, I was amazed. . .to say the very least! I shared the news with my husband, my mom, and one of my brothers, and a couple of friends, but I was really waiting on the "official" report from the Radiologist. Two days later, I got confirmation. The clot was GONE! I don't know about you, but I KNOW God healed me of that clot. Perhaps you think it just dissolved, but let me ask you this: what is the likelihood of that clot dissolving in two months when I had had ultrasounds every month since I was diagnosed with it in March and each showed that the clot had been unchanged? Well, I'll tell you. . .it didn't dissolve. God allowed the blood clot that was in the brachial vein of my right arm to pass into my lungs (causing me to suffocate) and then away WITHOUT killing me. I went to see my doctor for a follow-up appointment on December 1 and she checked my lungs (the clot was not there). She told me that I could discontinue using the medication. If the clot were in any other part of my body, it would certainly cause more problems, but I am fine. God has healed me and I didn't deserve it!! But then, I've never deserved anything that He has ever done for me. Understanding that, I realize that my life is not my own. . .I am here to do whatever God created me to do. While I don't know everything He has for me to do, but I do know that whatever I do, it is to bring glory to Him. . .'cause He does deserve it. So, my hope is that this story (and this entire blog, for that matter) will encourage you, draw you near to Him and most of all, bring Him glory!!

May God shower His glorious blessings upon you all!