I Just Can't Keep It In Any Longer!

Perhaps some of you have been reading my blog and have thought I have become a bit "too preachy" or I have turned into this "religious nut job", or maybe some of you think, "'Bout time. . .she's finally got a clue!". Whatever the case, it's okay . . . I just can't keep it in any longer. What am I talking about? I am talking about God and His goodness. He has been so good to me and I so don't deserve it! For years, he has protected me, provided for me, tolerated my ridiculousness (just to name a few things), and I have just taken Him for granted. My life has been all about me, but no longer. . .I am ready to live wholeheartedly for Him. Why now?? He has shown me how awesome He is and how undeserving I am of His awesome-ness.

If you look back at my blog post from June 8, 2009, you will find a story about how I learned of a blood clot in my right arm during the last few months of my pregnancy. Even as of that date, things could have played out any number of ways, but just seven days later, my baby was born healthy with NO complications! Praise God!! Before I left the hospital to go home, I had another ultrasound of my right arm which showed that the blood clot was still there. It had not moved or changed in any way.

Fast forward to the end of July, I went for my post-partum visit at the doctor's office where (suddenly) I had some kind of near-fainting episode and was experiencing some pain in that right arm again. So, I was told to go the ER. Not sure what the near-fainting thing was about, but the ultrasound of my arm showed that the blood clot was still in my arm. . .unchanged.

About a month later, I go to see a Hematologist. Since I had been told (initially) by my OB to stay on my anti-coagulant medication until 3 months post-partum (September 15), the Hematologist recommended that we wait to do another ultrasound of my arm closer to that date. My ultrasound was set for Friday, September 11. As the that date quickly approached, I began praying earnestly that the clot would go away (the body is supposed to dissolve blood clots, the medicine is supposed to keep the clot from moving to other parts of the body). I was watching The 700 Club at the beginning of the week. This was Labor Day week and the folks at CBN have a concentrated time of prayer during that week of every year. They pray and fast for their ministry, and the needs of other people. They also do it in remembrance of when they first came on the air and just a few hours before, they did not have enough money to come on the air. As a matter of fact, they had missed their original air time due to lack of money. After some intense prayer and fasting, someone made a hefty donation and they were able to air their first show. I know many people are not fans of Pat Robertson, but one has to admit that is a pretty amazing story.

I was moved by that story and decided to pray and fast for healing of the blood clot in my right arm. September 10 was my day to pray and fast. So, these were the Scriptures that I used to pray "back" to the Lord, if you will:

James 5:16b-The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.

Matthew 17:20, 21- "So Jesus said to them, "Because of your unbelief; for assuredly, I say to you, if you ahve faith as a mustard see, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there', and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you. However, this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting."

John 14:13, 14-And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything in My name I will do it.

Ephesians 3:20-Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations , forever and ever. Amen.

During that time, I wondered what if God did not remove the clot. After all, there are many people that I have prayed for who have had cancer, for example, and they died. . .what about that? God does not always do what we ask. Then, what am I trusting Him for? I realized that unlike what many are preaching today, we are trusting God to do what is best for us. I mean, He is the God of the Universe and He created us, so He probably has a really good idea as to what is best for us. See, God's primary desire for us is not necessarily that we get our dream home, get the perfect job, make a six-figure salary, have the perfect marriage with the perfect kids, or be in perfect health. God's primary desire for us is that we become like Christ, His Son. Let me repeat, at the top of God's list for us is for our character to develop into that which is like Christ's. Philippians 2:5 says "Let this mind be in your which was also in Christ Jesus".

The next day, September 11, I went to have the ultrasound of my right arm and the ultrasound tech said that the clot was still there. She went on to say that at that point, it would probably be considered "chronic". It would take a while for it to dissolve if at all. I must admit, I was really disappointed but I praised God anyway. I had prayed and fasted and had others to pray, so I know He heard. I concluded that although I disagreed, He knew this was what was best for me. So, what had I learned? The presence of the clot taught me to number my days, to be appreciative of everything, everyday!! And so none of this was in vain.

The next week,Thursday, September 17, I was laying on my bed. I had just finished feeding my daughter and dozed off. I did too and suddenly, I was startled by not being able to breathe. I could not get any air. . .I was suffocating ( I couldn't even cough)!! And as suddenly as it came on, it went away and I could breathe again. That was incredibly strange, to say the very least. Then, later that evening, I wondered if I should get another ultrasound, but decided I would wait.

Fast forward to Tuesday, November 17, I called the doctor because I had (again) been experience some pain in my right arm, but this time for about four days straight. I even asked for prayer from my Sunday School class two days before. The doctor told me to go to the hospital to get yet another ultrasound of my right arm. This was another ultrasound tech and I asked her if she could see the clot because I was having trouble seeing it. She said, " I don't see anything. . .but we still have some more veins to go". When she was done, she said, "All of your veins are open. . .there is no clot there. " Oh my goodness, I was amazed. . .to say the very least! I shared the news with my husband, my mom, and one of my brothers, and a couple of friends, but I was really waiting on the "official" report from the Radiologist. Two days later, I got confirmation. The clot was GONE! I don't know about you, but I KNOW God healed me of that clot. Perhaps you think it just dissolved, but let me ask you this: what is the likelihood of that clot dissolving in two months when I had had ultrasounds every month since I was diagnosed with it in March and each showed that the clot had been unchanged? Well, I'll tell you. . .it didn't dissolve. God allowed the blood clot that was in the brachial vein of my right arm to pass into my lungs (causing me to suffocate) and then away WITHOUT killing me. I went to see my doctor for a follow-up appointment on December 1 and she checked my lungs (the clot was not there). She told me that I could discontinue using the medication. If the clot were in any other part of my body, it would certainly cause more problems, but I am fine. God has healed me and I didn't deserve it!! But then, I've never deserved anything that He has ever done for me. Understanding that, I realize that my life is not my own. . .I am here to do whatever God created me to do. While I don't know everything He has for me to do, but I do know that whatever I do, it is to bring glory to Him. . .'cause He does deserve it. So, my hope is that this story (and this entire blog, for that matter) will encourage you, draw you near to Him and most of all, bring Him glory!!

May God shower His glorious blessings upon you all!

New Beginnings for Some, But On-going Pursuits for Others. . .Like Me

For the past several years (except last year), we have spent New Year’s Day with friends of ours. I remember about four or five years ago, we stood in a circle, prayed, and then went around and said something about the previous year as well as what we were looking forward to in the new year. Well, I remembered going through a few things during the last few months of the previous year, and I felt compelled to share with everyone that I felt as though God wanted to teach me about humility, obedience, and perseverance. The thing about it is that I remember saying it as if God would give me a few situations in which to “practice” those things, graduate me, if you will, by December 31 of that year, and then move me on to something else I needed to learn. As if all I needed to know about humility, obedience, and perseverance or “HOP” in life would be wrapped up in a year’s time. What was I thinking??

Well, what I think was that I was hoping that was how things would be. After all, the New Year often symbolizes a new beginning, a chance to reflect on the previous year and re-focus on what is truly important in the New Year, or repair things in the New Year that were “broken” in the year before. The New Year was a new beginning for my church, for example. After seventeen years of leading our church, our Pastor left and on January 1, began a new job. As we seek a new Pastor and begin a New Year, the leadership team has sought to help us all re-focus by doing a sermon series based on our church’s purpose or mission statement (which, of course, is rooted in God’s Word). The first sermon of the series focused on the first part of the statement which is to follow Christ. This led me to ask, “Am I following Christ?” Are you following Christ? Had this question been posed four or five years ago, my answer would have been, “Yes. I read and study my Bible. I pray regularly, and I go to church every Sunday. I strive to give to those in need and to raise my children in the fear of the Lord.”

Well, the Transitional Senior Pastor dished out some pretty heavy Scriptures to make me re-think my answer. The one that made the biggest impact on me was Luke 14:33. It reads (NKJV):

So likewise, whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be My disciple.

A disciple is a follower of Christ. After I read the same verse in my King James Study Bible, I immediately dropped down to the doctrinal footnotes at the bottom of the page. It simply said this:

Forsaketh means literally “renounce” or give up. Disciples must live in constant readiness to put their means at the disposal of the Lord’s ends.

Wow!! Today, I ran into a quote that I wrote down from Anne Graham Lotz’s latest book, “The Magnificent Obsession”. The book talks about how to live a God-filled life and is based upon the life of Abraham (see Genesis 12-25). This is what she said about him:

“Abraham had made the choice and left everything behind, kept the commitment and let everything go, satisfied the criteria and trusted everything completely, accepted the challenge and pursued everything patiently, resolved the conflict and cast everything out, and effectively communicated and lifted everything up, and he paid the cost and laid everything down. . .to embrace God”

I don’t know about you, but that’s pretty deep to me. All of this has caused me to re-examine my life as a professed follower of Christ. Have I really desired to know Him more or have I just wanted Him to do more for me? Have I really given up all I am and all I have? Have I renounced everything, or laid everything down for Him? Or, has it just been the “problem areas” of my life in which I have asked Him to interfere? To be quite honest, my answer is no, I have not surrendered everything to Him or for Him. So, in this New Year, January 2010, four or five years after making that initial statement, my journey toward true discipleship (which includes true humility, consistent obedience, and undying perseverance) continues. But. . .being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you (and me) will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ (Philippians 1:6 NKJV).

Out of the Mouth of Babes

I am thinking seriously about homeschooling my children. So, yesterday, while enjoying lunch with my 6-year old, I asked her, "What do you think about having school at home next year? We could do 1st grade here at home." And the conversation went like this:

"What about my teacher?" she asked.

" I would be your teacher."

"But, you're my mom."

"But, can't I be your mom and teacher?"

"Well. . .you can be a teacher when you grow up."

"So, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

"Well, Mommy, instead of being President, I want to be a karate teacher. . .in China."

" In China??"

"Yes, I want to teach karate. . .at the center. . .in China"

"Okay. Well, what does God want you to be?"

"God, what do you want me to be? (short pause) He says He wants me to be a karate teacher in China (with a big smile on her face)."

"Well, okay then." (chuckling).

I couldn't help but grin and wonder where on earth the idea of teaching karate came from. I think back to when I was her age and I never thought about being President of anything or going to another country! As children, it seemed as if our choices were limited to doctor, nurse, policeman/policewoman, and in my case, gymnast. My mom used to always tell my brothers and me, "Don't limit yourselves!". My husband and I have always tried to pass that concept along to our kids by encouraging them to think globally and to think big. It was a bring spot in my day to see that all of our work has not been in vain.

As the day went on, I thought more of our conversation and became more amazed at how my God, the God of the Universe, speaks to us. One way is by placing little nuggets of wisdom in our children without them even knowing it. Here are a few nuggets He dished out to me through my 6-year old:

Nugget #1: We are never too old to go to work for God

I am a 38-year old whose head is (literally) lined with silver, yet my 6-year old suggested I could be a teacher after "I'm done" being her mom, and let me not forget. . .when I grow up. At ages 100 and 90, respectively, God made Abraham and Sarah to be parents to Issac, after a "lifetime" of barren-ness (see Genesis 18:1-15, 21:1-7). Is God trying to use you in a particular area but you insist that you're too old? Remember, God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think (Ephesians 3:20)!

Nugget #2: Think outside the box. God does.

My 6-year old is an African-American girl. While our current President, Barack Obama, is African-American, to date, we have not had an African-American female presidential candidate (from a major political party). So, to decide that she wanted to be President, at one time, was huge! Now, she wants to be a karate teacher in China. For the same reasons, I think that certainly qualifies as thinking outside the box!

In order to take possession of Jericho, a city enclosed by a wall where no one entered or left, Joshua and the children of Israel were not told to declare war and storm the city of Jericho. Instead, they were instructed, by God, to march around the city once a day for six days while the priests blew their trumpets. Then, on the seventh day, God told them to march around the city seven times while the priests blew their trumpets and then the priests were to make a long blast with their trumpets while all the people shouted. When they did as God commanded, the walls of Jericho fell (see Joshua 6). Who would have thought that a city could be destroyed by walking around it, blowing horns, and yelling??

Nugget #3: Since God created us, then we are His. Therefore, we should ask Him what He wants us to do with our lives, then obey.

When I asked my daughter what God wanted her to be, she immediately asked Him. She said He wants her to be a karate teacher in China. Maybe so or maybe not. . .time will tell, but what is important is that she is ready and willing to ask and do what he says. Are you? I must admit, I have not always been that way and even now, if what He tells me to do something that seems to be a little weird or a bit frightening, I often question Him and/or hesitate in obeying Him. But we all are to have the attitude of Mary when she found out that she was carrying the Son of God in her womb: "Let it be to me according to your word" (Luke 1:38).

God is always speaking to us: through His Word (The Holy Bible), through our peers, and even through our children. Let's be sure to listen closely for Him and do what He says!