A little over three months ago, I accidentally hit the top of my right hand on the corner of the chest of drawers in my bedroom. Besides a little soreness and mild cases of the "tinglies" most mornings, my hand was fine. . .or so I thought. Well, two and a half weeks after that incident, I woke up to find my right hand completely swollen! With some ice, most of the swelling went down, except a small portion between my forefinger and thumb. Thank goodness, I had a doctor's appointment (by the way, I was 27 weeks pregnant at the time) that morning. The doctor thought the swelling to be unusual and ordered an X-ray, thinking that the swelling was caused by a hairline fracture. Negative. No fracture, but still swelling. When asked how to proceed, I was told to continue icing the area, although the ice did nothing but make my hand cold (and bring a back a few memories of me sitting in the cold whirlpool during my IU Track & Field days). The next evening, I realized there was swelling a bit further up my arm. Knowing that something was not right, I proceeded to the emergency room where I found out that I have a blood clot in my right arm and I would need to be admitted to the hospital. Wow!! I have had very few health challenges in my life thus far, but I knew enough to know that blood clots are dangerous and if they travel to the wrong places like the heart or lungs, the situation can be fatal. Everyone I talked to, including the various medical professionals, said something like, "Oh my goodness, it is such a good thing that you came in when you did!" Well, I credit the Holy Spirit with that!
I cannot possibly put into words all of the things that went on in my head for the next 48 hours, but I think it is safe to say that my thoughts were lined with fear. Basically, I thought I was going to die at any moment. The next week, after I was released from the hospital, I realized that there was swelling further up my arm which meant the clot had moved. The medicine that I was given was supposed to prevent that. Now, at that point, I was freakin' out!! But, because I was already on an aggressive treatment regimen, the doctors advised against increasing my dosage of meds as it could cause some real problems. At that point, I realized that I had come to the end of myself and the end of my doctors, all I had to rely on was God. But, when you think about it, isn't that all we ever have to rely on, really?
What I have learned (and man, has it been a lesson to learn) is that I actually could die at any moment. . .any of us could. Not one of us is guaranteed tomorrow or the next moment in fact. We tend to think that if we're young, active, physically fit, non-smokers, and productive ( I could go on with the adjectives, but I won't) that we will long lives. Where did we get that from?! That is simply not true. The truth of the matter is that death is God's business. In the words of Bill Cosby (and countless other parents), He created us and brought us into this world and He will take us out. . .when He is ready for us. We have absolutely no control over when we die. We get to see another day because of His grace, not because of something we have done. Along the same lines, we forget that God has created us for His purposes. Meaning that out of love for us, we get the opportunity to participate in God's plans for the world. He doesn't need us. He is God. . .but He chooses us. Likewise, He uses things like medicine (for the sake of my example), made by men, to help in the healing process. But so many times, we forget Who is behind the healing and instead, we put our trust in the medicine when in reality, our trust should always be in the LORD God.
As a Christian, one would think that that thought process would be automatic for me, but I am sad to say, it wasn't. As a matter of fact, it has taken me awhile to adjust to this "new reality" (and to be quite honest, I'm still adjusting-note the present tense). It has really taken me out of my comfort zone, but in a good way. Instead of living life with a false sense of reality, I am learning to truly put my trust in God . . .as I have been singing about (in church) and reading about (in my Bible) for years. It is all about Him and so not about me. . .or us. I hope you will look on my experience and take on this new reality in your life.
May God richly bless you in the name of our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ!
