Fair to Midland?

My aunt was dying. One day, I was visiting with her in the hospital when the occupational therapist smiled and asked her, “How are you today?” My aunt cracked a smile and said, “Oh, fair to midland”.  I remember my grandfather used to say that. I couldn’t believe it. Here she was in the hospital-cancer lining her left lung and a tumor the size of a grapefruit on/in her liver-and she said she was doing “fair to midland”? A nurse for 34 years, her cognitive function had now been compromised by a stroke just a few months earlier.  She was not doing well at all.  It hurt so deeply to see her this way, but at the same time, I witnessed something amazing.

My aunt was living out the very words of the Apostle Paul who said, “For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”  (Romans 8:18, KJV) What does that mean? Let me give you an example. My 3-year old son has become quite the runner. There are times when I have a little difficulty catching up with him and I used to be a sprinter! He’s pretty fast, but if I were to stage a 100m dash race between him and Usain Bolt, no spectators would come. As a matter of fact, Mr. Bolt would not show up because he knows that there would be no comparison. The gap between my son and Mr. Bolt would be so large, it would be crazy! My aunt knew that despite severely labored breathing, her extreme pain that required the likes of Oxycodone and Fentanyl to subdue, and her debilitated cognitive function, she would soon see her Savior face-to-face.  None of this (pain and sickness) would matter anymore as she would be free from it and the glory she would experience when she walked out of this life and into the next would be something she could have never imagined!

How is that possible? In her thirties, she acknowledged her sinfulness and repented (turned away) of her sins. By placing her trust in Jesus Christ, she received remission of her sins.  And therefore, she not only had a close relationship with her Savior here on earth which produced this peace of mind, but it also secured her a place in Heaven where the absolutely worst thing you can possibly think of on this earth does not compare its glory.

My aunt passed away four days later. Oh, how I miss her, but I can only imagine what she is experiencing now. Needless to say, she’s doing better than “fair to midland”. As my 8-year old daughter put it, “She’s in Heaven with Jesus and eatin’ macaroni and cheese”. What could be better than that?

Follow the Leader

I have to admit that recently, as a result of difficulty in my personal life and in wake of national and international tragedy, ashamedly, I have sought the Lord my more intensely than I have in a while. I say “ashamedly” because for all that He has done for me, I should always seek Him. But, let’s face it, hardship causes us to seek wisdom. I was reminded from a Christian radio program of James 4:8, “Draw near to God and he will draw near to you”. Taking Him at His Word, I have done so and as promised He has drawn near to me. He has provided comfort and peace during difficult circumstances, but also He has opened my eyes to truth. John 17:17 says, “Sanctify them in the truth: your word is truth”. He has done exactly that!

Several years ago, I was convicted by the fact that having called myself a Christian for about 20 years, I had not yet read the Bible in its entirety. I’d like to say that I was fully obedient to that “assignment” that God gave me, but I wasn’t. I did read it all, but it did take me a few years to do so. Better late than never, right? Well, yes and no. Yes, because I learned so much from doing that. No, because 98% obedience is still disobedience. In school or college, if you are told that an assignment is due on a particular day, but you turn in the assignment after the due date, depending on the teacher, you may still get credit for it, but not as much as you would have if you completed it on time. In some cases, some teachers would not even accept it. All this to say that it is important to obey what the Lord has said to do when the Lord says to do it.

As I read the Bible, I realized that there were some differences or inconsistencies in how we, American Christians, interpret the Word of God in our behavior and how people who were followers of Christ in the Bible lived. I tried to rationalize it by thinking that we are living in modern times and “things were different back then”. I started hearing sermons about while some may call themselves Christian, go to church every Sunday, read the Bible and do good to others; some will not go to Heaven. That was a wake-up call! So, for the last several years, I have wrestled with whether I am a Christian or not. It was difficult to put into words when I would share these feelings with others. Now, after reading just a small portion of Multiply: disciples making disciples by Francis Chan with Mark Beuving and listening to some sermons by David Platt based on his book, Radical, I realized why I have felt so convicted. Chan says “Basically, a disciple is a follower, but only if we take the follower literally. Becoming a disciple of Jesus is as simple as obeying His call to follow.” (p. 16) This made me think of the game that we played as kids, “Follow the Leader”. I looked up the basic rules of the game on Wikipedia. It says,

               “Follow the leader is a children’s game. First a leader or head of the line is chosen, then the children all line up behind the leader. The leader then moves around and all the children have to mimic the leader’s actions. Any players who fail to follow or do what the leader does are out of the game.”

So, my question is do I read the Bible enough to know who Jesus Christ is, what is important to Him and what He has done? Do I read the Bible enough to know what He commands of His followers? What did He do while He was here on earth and do I do the same things He did? He obeyed our Heavenly Father to the point of death, do I obey with the same fervency? If not, then I have to question whether or not I really believe Jesus Christ is who He says He is and question whether or not I really believe His Word, The Holy Bible, is true. Naturally, I then have to question, am I truly a follower of Christ? Notice my questions are NOT do I go to church and how often? Nor is it do I participate in a Bible Study? Nor is the question, on how many programs or committees do I serve?

I am not trying to suggest that our salvation is based on what we do. Romans 10:9, 10 says, “. . .because if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified and with the mouth one confesses and is saved.” If Jesus is my Lord and I believe that every word He says is true, then I will do what He says when He says to do it. Plain and simple.

So, my question to you . . .is Jesus Christ your Leader and do you follow Him?

The Faith and Obedience of Abraham: Is This Your Story, Too?

I have read the book of Genesis a number of times, but yesterday, I think I began to really understand why Abraham is listed in the “Faith Hall of Fame” in Hebrews 11. I don’t know, but the words just seemed to jump off the page at me. God spoke to Abraham and told him to offer up his son, Isaac, as a burnt offering.  Genesis 22:3 (ESV) says, “So Abraham rose early in the morning, saddled his donkey, and took two of his young men with him, and his son Isaac. And he cut the wood for the burnt offering and arose and went to the place of which God had told him”. As crazy as that may have sounded to him, Abraham obeyed. Here are a few observations I made (and questions I asked myself) when reading the account of the offering of Isaac:

1   Abraham knew it was God talking to him. Do I recognize God’s still small voice every time He speaks?

2   Abraham rose early to do this “crazy thing” that God told him to do. Do I obey God’s voice immediately? While God encourages us in His Word to pray (without ceasing) and fast, I think it is important to notice that it does not say that Abraham fasted and prayed. While seeking wise counsel is also advised in the Bible (Proverbs 11:14, 12:15), this portion of Scripture does not say that Abraham consulted with his wisest advisors on whether that would be a good move make.  The Word does not say that Abraham developed a 30-day strategic plan to accomplish this task.  The Word says in Genesis 22:2 “He said, ‘Take your son, your only son, Isaac . . .’, and in the next verse, Genesis 22:3, it reads, “So, Abraham rose early. . .”

3   Abraham obeyed regardless of his feelings. While the Word does not tell or even imply how Abraham may have felt when God told him to offer up Isaac, in verse 2, it does say, “Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love. . .” With that said, I think it is safe to say that Abraham was not tickled pink about this whole thing, but he did what God said. I must ask myself, “Do I grapple over how I ‘feel’ before I even think about obeying God?” While He loves us with this unfathomable love, He expects us to obey Him, period.

4  Abraham’s obedience brings new meaning to Proverbs 3:5, 6 (ESV), which says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths”.  You see, as we follow Abraham down this path of obedience, we see Isaac wondering where is the lamb for the burnt offering. Genesis 22:8 says”Abraham said, ‘God will provide for Himself the lamb for a burnt offering, my son.’ So they went both of them together.” This is my opinion, but I do not think Abraham had a clue as to what God was going to do, he just obeyed and trusted that God with the rest.  God did provide.  I have to be honest, while I desire to obey and have the faith of Abraham, as one who is always planning and looking ahead, I struggle with just trusting and obeying. What about you?

      What I have learned is that this kind of faith comes by walking closely with God. As we spend time with God in His Word (reading, studying, and applying), we get to know Him. We learn of His love for us. We learn of His power, His sovereignty, His promises, and His All-Around Awesomeness. We begin to know him as Abba or Father or most affectionately, Daddy. Think about God’s idea of the relationship between a Father and his child.  You know that they love one another and the child always wants to please his daddy without argument. The child trusts his daddy and knows that Daddy will always protect him and would never tell him to do anything that would harm him or others. May we all be encouraged to draw close to Our Father in Heaven.

So, This is Working for My Good, God? Part II

You know when bad times come or there is a death in your family and a friend says, "I'll pray for you" or "You're in my prayers"? Do you ever wonder, what are people saying in their prayers during those times? Are they really praying at all or is it just something nice to say? Is God really listening? Well, I realized that people do indeed pray during those times and I found out just what kind of God I had been serving all these years. I do not know exactly what people were praying, but Matthew 18:20 (KJV) says, "For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them".  I know for a fact that my mother, my aunt, my brothers, as well as my in-laws were praying for us.  I know that my best friend and her prayer partners were praying for us. I also know that our Sunday School classes (mine and my husband's) were praying for us as well as countless others. So, I know that Jesus Christ was in their presence as they were praying and Romans 8:34 says that He also intercedes for us in prayer. My Savior knew I was seriously struggling with whether or not He was worth serving and so, the Holy Spirit opened my eyes to see that while this was an extremely difficult thing to deal with, He still loved me, He had not abandoned me through all of this, and He was (and still is) good!  Our family, friends, church family, and even people we did not know stepped up to be the loving arms of Jesus by taking our kids on play dates, transporting our children to and from their activities, preparing delicious meals ( I must say, these people of the Palouse are some of the most amazing cooks this side of the Mississippi!), sending cards and flowers, making gifts in remembrance of our precious twins, making phone calls, and sharing kind words of encouragement among other things.

My eyes were also opened to another fact. While I do recall experiencing some back pain a couple of days prior to finding out about our twins' passing, I did not experience any cramping or bleeding that would have alerted me that "something was not right". The night before the appointment, my husband was up late trying to complete a take-home exam between vomiting sessions of our middle child, and so we had contemplated not driving an hour and a half to the appointment, by my husband was convinced that we should. My next OB appointment was not scheduled for another 2-3 weeks. Had we not gone to this appointment, my life could have also been in jeopardy as I would have been carrying  lifeless babies in my womb and infection could have set in. . .but praise be to God who was looking out for me. . .looking out for us!  After I was made aware of that, the Holy Spirit continued to show me instance after instance of His goodness.

So, while that was an extremely difficult thing to go through-I miss my babies and I look forward to seeing them one day-He showed me in so many ways (more than I can write about in this post) that He is good and allowing us to experience this loss was indeed for my good. And then 14 months later, He blessed us beyond belief. . .

How's that for God's goodness?! 

O give thanks unto the Lord for He is good, for His mercy endureth for ever. . .Oh that men would praise the Lord for his goodness, and for His wonderful works to the children of men!

Psalm 107:1, 21



So, This is Working for My Good, God?

So, it has been exactly one year since my last blog entry. I am certainly not proud of that, but it seems as thought since June 29 of last year, my life suddenly got ridiculously busy. I kind of feel like Beyonce and I have some things n common as we both took the last year off and re-emerged as stronger and more mature women. She traveled the world while I hung out in my town of 9 square miles in Southeastern Washington. Okay, so maybe we are not that similar as the commonalities ended with we took a year off and re-emerged later. But, many of my experience within the last year were enjoyable. Some were devastatingly painful, however, as Romans 8:28 reminds me, they all worked together for my good (my paraphrase).

My husband spent last summer studying for his core exams for his Ph.D. During that time, there seemed to be this huge cloud of uncertainty looming above us regarding our future. Wouldhe pass the exams? If he did not pass, what did the future hold for us? If he did not pass, we figured we would need to move out of our family housing complex, but where would we go? would he get a job in this crazy market? Questions, questions, questions! I must say, though, by the time that he finished taking his last exam, I think we were all relieved that the process was complete . . .whether he passed or not! Then, August 11, the day after he took his final exam, we learned that I was pregnant.

"Really, God??" was my first reaction. While I know that every child is a miracle, to be honest, I was not really in the mood for that kind of miracle. My long lost Uncle Fred leaving me a significant monetary inheritance is more along the lines of the kind of miracle I would have preferred at that moment. I don't really have an Uncle Fred, but you get my drift. I was worried about my ability to care for four children (two of which would be under the age of 2 years, for a short time) while my hubby was still in school (full-time). I concerned myself with what others would say or think, and I know another child would affect us financially as we were already struggling in that area. In short, I was overwhelmed. . . with stuff that really did not matter. After reading and meditating over Psalms 127 and 139, God reminded me that while this was a surprise to me and in my opinion, not perfect timing, He had this in the works all along. Actually, this was perfect timing as that's just how He rolls. I was also reminded that children are blessings. . .period. . .and, that he would give whatever I needed (i.e. a extra large dose of patience) to care for my children. By the way, my husband was not concerned in the least, but was filled with joy and excitement at the thought of expanding our family. He has always wanted a large family. So, imagine our initial reactions when on September 9, we discovered that we were having twins! My husband could not have been more elated. I, however, . . .well, let me just say, I had to go back to Psalms 127 and 139 for a bit of review.

From the time I was a teenager, I had always envisioned my life as a career woman. . .ya know that kind of woman often portrayed as a woman who has it all. But, from the moment I knew we were having twins, it seemed to somehow solidify (for me) God's high calling on my life to be a mom to five precious children. Since I was considered to be high-risk for a number of reasons, we had the privilege of seeing our babies, via ultrasound, grow from "little beans" to little active people with heads, arms, and legs. While still overwhelmed, I felt highly favored by God to be carrying identical twins. At the same time, my husband was researching reviews on double strollers, sharing with me the bedding options for multiples, as well as predicting the gender (poor guy, we may end up having to get him a dog named "Bruiser" or something like that) and the birthdate of our babies.

Sadly, on October 18, we went for a scheduled ultrasound appointment to discover that our precious twins had died. Devastated does not begin to describe what we were feeling. What on Earth was God doing? What happened? How could this have been avoided? Why had God allowed us to get so attached to our babies in just 6 weeks only to take them away from us? Were they boys or girls? Was this a consequence of me not being excited about them in the beginning? Due to the type of twins they were (they shared the same sac with no membrane in between to separate them, otherwise known as "mono-mono" twins), it was easy for them to get caught up in each others' cords. My doctor said that there was nothing we could have done differently to prevent that from happening. At that point, my devastation turned to anger at God. I could not have prevented their deaths, but certainly The God of The Universe could have, but He did not. While I never questioned His existence, I did begin to question the kind of God I had been serving all of these years. . . (to be continued)

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

Romans 8:28 NKJV

Prelude to a Final Farewell . . .

The West Side (Seattle/Tacoma/Olympia), China, Jordan, Utah, South Korea, Idaho, Albania, Taiwan, Wyoming, Southwest Washington (Vancouver/Portland), Saudi Arabia, Louisiana, Alaska, and Maryland. Those are just some of the places from which our neighbors in our apartment complex have come.

Nearly three years ago, our family set out on an adventure . . . moving from the Midwest to the Great Northwest. My husband had always wanted to be a professor, but he needed a Ph. D. After much prayer for God to tell us where he wanted us to go, and to be clear in His answer, we discovered that he wanted us in the thriving metropolis of Pullman, Washington (where we had no family or friends)! You know. . .Pullman, Washington, the Lentil Capital of the World?! Don't worry; we didn't know that either until a friend of ours informed us of that before we departed. Anyway, we got here and what a beautiful place! It is a small town of 27,000 that sits on rolling hills. My mom described the scenery as "endless golf courses". While we were able to go home for the Christmas/New Year's holidays a few months after we moved here, and we hoped to go back during the following summer, but our lack of money did not allow it. Little did I know that we were in for a treat. We spent the summer hanging out at the playground directly behind our building. It did have an interesting beginning as it snowed on June 10, 2008 Crazy!! But, I digress. . .

Perhaps hanging out at the playground does not seem that interesting, but it was because it was during those beautiful warm sunny days (with low humidity) that we began forming new friendships. Since Pullman is a small college town, it is very transient in nature. People don't move to the other side of town (like in my hometown), they either move in or move out of Pullman. With that said, it is common to meet people, spend lots of time with them, and then watch them move away just nine months later. Ironically, I posted a blog entry entitled, "This is Not My Home. . ." with regard to that very thing, two years ago almost to the day (June 27, 2008). Anyway, these friendships that we were forming on the playground would prove to be different. You see, many people/families have come and gone, but there has been a core group of us, of different races/nationalities, that arrived around the same time and will be leaving around the same time. This year, summer in Pullman has seemed to get a late start, so it has been difficult to catch up with everyone and what is going on in their lives. It is amazing how it gets so crazy during the school year (with school, work, and snow) that you can actually go weeks and months without ever seeing your neighbor. So, this past Saturday, we were all out and about enjoying the absolutely beautiful weather. Someone threw out the idea of getting together for a potluck-type barbecue this upcoming weekend. What a fantastic idea!! But then a bit sadness came over me because I realized that our time together is winding down. Next summer will prove to be very different as many of us (if not, all) will graduate, find jobs, and move away. The probability of us all settling down in Pullman is pretty much like. . .zero. But what makes my heart ache is that the probability that we will all see each other again is also pretty low. While globalization has taken this world by storm, (and I could be wrong) but I just do not see us all making frequent trips to China, South Korea, Albania, or Saudi Arabia. You know what I mean? So, I'm looking forward to our cookout this coming weekend, but my heart will be a little heavy as I have an idea of what the near future holds.

But, perhaps the cure for this heavy heart of mine is to think rather about how the Lord answered the prayers of my heart in the first place. As an African-American, I believe it is important to spend time with other African-American people, but at the same time, it is also very important to me that my children form friendships with all kinds of people (after all, we are all God's creation). While Pullman is a predominantly Caucasian town, the Lord sent us to our apartment complex that is so diverse, it has been dubbed, "The UN". He answered my prayer!Since He answered that prayer, I know He will answer other prayers. I hope we will all look back on this time together, amidst the stress of class, exams, new additions to our families, poverty, (etc.) as a beautiful and memorable time in our lives. And if we are unable to see each other again, that they will remember our family as one who strived to love them with the love of God.

My Earnest Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank You for being who You are-Almighty, Sovereign, Holy, Loving, Faithful, Merciful, Gracious, Forgiving, and Awesome, just for starters. Thank You for sending Your Son Jesus to suffer and die for all of my sins. Thank You for waking me up and allowing me to see yet another day. Thank You for Your providence and Your protection. Thank You for my husband, my children, my mom, my dads, my brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws, friends, and church family. I realize that I was created for You. I am nothing without You. Please fill me with Your Holy Spirit this day. As I read and study Your Word today, please give me understanding, wisdom, and discernment. Please give me all that I need to apply and obey Your Word. I pray that You forgive me of my sin and bring to light any sin I have so that I may lay it at the foot of Your cross, immediately. I pray that as I spend more time with You in Your Word that my heart will become more aligned with Yours-that my heart would break for the things that break Your heart; that Your desires would be my desires; that Your plans would be my plans, and the things that bring You joy would also bring me joy. Finally, I pray that the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control that You show toward me would flow through me to others with whom I come in contact so that they all may know You. May You be glorified in all that I think, say, and do. . . in Jesus' name, Amen.